This is more for my fading memories than anything. August is a hard month. I want to remember to focus on what really matters and not be consumed by sadness or despair.
For some reason today I am reminded of being envious of the cancer patients parents. Can you even imagine being envious of having a child with cancer? I had those thoughts. Here's why, in my finite mind, I had those thoughts for a few seconds....
- They knew what they were fighting. The good, the bad and the ugly. They knew the nastiness of cancer, but they knew cases of people that beat it.
- They were awake to comfort. I mean, the child, even though they couldn't comprehend the big nasty cancer, could be seen being comforted by mom and dad. They could express how they wanted comfort.
I remember that time so vividly, I wanted that. I wanted to know I was comforting my child the way he wanted. Of course, I know cancer is bad, nasty, ugly and just plain horrible. I don't wish my child to have it. I also know that not all cancer goes away, and sometimes you cannot comfort your child.
Even though Thao didn't win his fight with HLH and HUS. Even though he couldn't always respond to our comforting. The memory of the comforting is more for us now, holding him, reading to him, running my fingers through his hair. The perfect Comforter, brings those memories to light when I need them. When I need to work through them. And even though, in our eyes, we lost, God knew. God KNOWS. God is good. Thao may have lost to HLH, but he has victory in Jesus.
Be joyful always;pray continually;give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18
For some reason today I am reminded of being envious of the cancer patients parents. Can you even imagine being envious of having a child with cancer? I had those thoughts. Here's why, in my finite mind, I had those thoughts for a few seconds....
- They knew what they were fighting. The good, the bad and the ugly. They knew the nastiness of cancer, but they knew cases of people that beat it.
- They were awake to comfort. I mean, the child, even though they couldn't comprehend the big nasty cancer, could be seen being comforted by mom and dad. They could express how they wanted comfort.
I remember that time so vividly, I wanted that. I wanted to know I was comforting my child the way he wanted. Of course, I know cancer is bad, nasty, ugly and just plain horrible. I don't wish my child to have it. I also know that not all cancer goes away, and sometimes you cannot comfort your child.
Even though Thao didn't win his fight with HLH and HUS. Even though he couldn't always respond to our comforting. The memory of the comforting is more for us now, holding him, reading to him, running my fingers through his hair. The perfect Comforter, brings those memories to light when I need them. When I need to work through them. And even though, in our eyes, we lost, God knew. God KNOWS. God is good. Thao may have lost to HLH, but he has victory in Jesus.
Be joyful always;pray continually;give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18