As we walk through the doors of the store, a lady stops us and comments on what a "perfect" little family we have.
I am crushed. But, I smile politely and say thank you.
It hurts to breath a little after that. Once again I am struck with the realization that what we are now, a family of four, a girl and a boy, looks normal. For everyone on the outside looking in, it is normal.
But what I see is a family that is not complete. That is not whole. My family is living life, breathing, waiting to be reunited with our Bubby. We are enjoying our moments and trying to waste not. We are investing in people. But, everywhere we go, there is an emptiness. I listen to other moms talk about their first graders, soccer, legos, losing teeth. I remember talking to Thao about when his teeth would grow back in. I remember my dreams of watching him grow and quickly push it away. There is an empty seat next to me on the subway, at the restaurant, my car is not nearly as full. I walk by his Sunday School class at church and dare myself to peek in. I still wake up in the middle of the night because I think I hear him calling my name.
I have learned to be honest, to be intentional, generous and to go out of my way to show people that I love them. Because, the fact is, our days are numbered, and each day counts. And my emptiness here on earth with pass. But for now I still have joy. I still have peace. I still have Jesus. And that is all I need.
I am crushed. But, I smile politely and say thank you.
It hurts to breath a little after that. Once again I am struck with the realization that what we are now, a family of four, a girl and a boy, looks normal. For everyone on the outside looking in, it is normal.
But what I see is a family that is not complete. That is not whole. My family is living life, breathing, waiting to be reunited with our Bubby. We are enjoying our moments and trying to waste not. We are investing in people. But, everywhere we go, there is an emptiness. I listen to other moms talk about their first graders, soccer, legos, losing teeth. I remember talking to Thao about when his teeth would grow back in. I remember my dreams of watching him grow and quickly push it away. There is an empty seat next to me on the subway, at the restaurant, my car is not nearly as full. I walk by his Sunday School class at church and dare myself to peek in. I still wake up in the middle of the night because I think I hear him calling my name.
I have learned to be honest, to be intentional, generous and to go out of my way to show people that I love them. Because, the fact is, our days are numbered, and each day counts. And my emptiness here on earth with pass. But for now I still have joy. I still have peace. I still have Jesus. And that is all I need.