"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
He is good. I know He is good.
Even when I lost my son.
He was good.
Even when I am still waiting.
He is good.
Even when my kids are sick, really sick.
He is good.
Even on the days when I feel alone.
He is good.
Even when words hurt.
He is good.
And when I mess up.
He is good.
How is it then, that I don't live as though He is good? In my everyday, in my doubts and fears. I somehow, somewhere lose track of His goodness. Not because His goodness waivers, but because I let little things creep in. I watch tv instead of read. I begin to feed the lies. I begin to believe that maybe God is good but I don't deserve the goodness. So I seek comfort in other things. I start to believe that I need earthly comfort to deal with stress. I laugh about it and make jokes. I justify my desires. I eat the chocolate.
No guys, I seriously eat the chocolate instead of praying sometimes. I don't want to bother God with that little thing that stresses me out. I fill my time with pretend instead of real life. Because I think I deserve a break. And I deserve it every time I start to stress or worry or fret or feel anxious or whatever word you want to use because it doesn't matter. It's all the same. I replace God.
Recently my kids and I were talking about sin. You know, Easter and the the whole shebang, but SIN.
Sin is so real but it's just so much easier to categorize it and name the big things. And justify.
But then I realize my kids need to know these "bad choices" I talk about, the ones that even I make, geez, that's all sin too.
So if I really truly believe this thing about sin and forgiveness and REDEMPTION. Then, why is it so difficult to live it? Why is it so much easier to talk about the nastiness of our world, but leave out the HOPE we have in Christ?
I get so discouraged because I don't say the right things at the right time. So my prayer has changed from that of "God give me the words" to believing He has already given them. So God, give me the boldness and the opportunities, to speak your words into the hearts of those around me. Help me to recognize your works. Help me to see people the way you see them, as your children. And thank you for creating them.