My heart aches for my children so far away. I know this is not new news to you. I know you may even get tired of hearing it but lately, my heart aches in a different way.
My heart aches because adoption is hard. It starts with hurt. Then, there's more hurt. And soon, well, I mean hopefully soon, there will be more hurt as we pull them out of the only culture they've ever known.
I know full well with each passing day, my children are forming a more precious bond with the gracious foster family. A family, meant only for an interim, has come to love them, pour into them and treat them as their own. Because that is the right thing to do. Because we, their parents, have been separated from them for over 700 days by thousands of miles. These people that have taken our children in are a God send. They are Christ's workers here on earth.
And truly, I believe that of foster parents everywhere.
Because my children have had the opportunity to know love and to know a family, I know the wait for me and for them has been more tolerable. All the while, this family grows to love them, knowing that there will be a day. A day when the life they have grown to know will no longer be. AND THEY DO IT ANYWAY.
They do it with unguarded hearts. They do it with a smile. They love generously.
With each passing day I also know that my time with my children is closer. It has to be. That's just how time works. Sometimes, that's just what gets us through.
And as much as I admire and adore what our foster parents are doing for our children, I know that it is all temporary. As it was meant to be. I know that I may have lost 700+ days with my children, but I know that there are many more to come. I know that the healing will need to be deep but I know the love of God is deeper.
I know there are hard days ahead. But I know there is much blessing to be had.
I know realistically, my children may not like me (to say it ever so kindly) for a while. And then maybe a while more. But ultimately, I know God's love is unconditional. And my children have only been hurt by those that love them so far in life. Because once they leave what they know now, they will feel rejected. Again. They will feel loss. Again. They will feel alone. Again. They will feel pain. Again. They will need to grieve. Again.
So my success as a parent is not based on them loving me. Or being thankful that they have a home to live in and food on the table.
No, my success as a parent is solely based on my obedience to what God has asked of me.
He has asked me to love them. To sacrificially, generously and unconditionally love my kids. All of them, all the time.
Is it inconvenient? Yes.
Is it hard? Yes.
Is it worth it? Absolutely.
God doesn't ask me to do it on my own. On my own, I can be leave them wanting. I get tired. I wear down. I am impatient.
And Jesus covers all of that. Something crazy awesome about this parenting thing....I just keep learning how utterly unprepared I am for this journey. And He keeps reminding me to just trust Him.
The next time you are deep in the trenches and you can't seem to pull yourself out. The next time you find yourself completely overwhelmed (and underpaid), when you are having a eat-all-the-chocolate and let them watch movies day, when the guilt consumes you. When you have no answers because it's just too stinkin' hard. When you want to cry and scream but you feel as though you cannot admit that you don't know what to do because then you've failed. When the thought of all these little lives being your responsibility makes you doubt every choice you've ever made....when it feel like it will never end.
God has promised us that it will end. Because all earthly things will fade away.
But let's not wish it away. Let's embrace the fact that we don't have a clue. Let's embrace the fact that moment by moment I have to depend on the all knowing, gracious, ever loving Father to get me through.
I've been convicted more than ever to cover my children in prayer. I have a feeling that is the only thing I will have left to cling to when I have 4 children in my care that may or may not like me on any given day (and only half of them can tell me that in English!!!).
So when my kids come home and none of them like me, remind me to cling to the One that showers us in unending love. I pray that I can find joy in the moments. I pray that I can see past their hurt and into their souls, created by Christ. I pray in the most unlovely moments, I can truly love them as Christ loves me. I pray I can love with an unguarded heart.
I underlined these phrases in Psalm 63 today:
"Because your steadfast love is better than life"
"My soul clings to you"
Ephesians 3:16-20
My heart aches because adoption is hard. It starts with hurt. Then, there's more hurt. And soon, well, I mean hopefully soon, there will be more hurt as we pull them out of the only culture they've ever known.
I know full well with each passing day, my children are forming a more precious bond with the gracious foster family. A family, meant only for an interim, has come to love them, pour into them and treat them as their own. Because that is the right thing to do. Because we, their parents, have been separated from them for over 700 days by thousands of miles. These people that have taken our children in are a God send. They are Christ's workers here on earth.
And truly, I believe that of foster parents everywhere.
Because my children have had the opportunity to know love and to know a family, I know the wait for me and for them has been more tolerable. All the while, this family grows to love them, knowing that there will be a day. A day when the life they have grown to know will no longer be. AND THEY DO IT ANYWAY.
They do it with unguarded hearts. They do it with a smile. They love generously.
With each passing day I also know that my time with my children is closer. It has to be. That's just how time works. Sometimes, that's just what gets us through.
And as much as I admire and adore what our foster parents are doing for our children, I know that it is all temporary. As it was meant to be. I know that I may have lost 700+ days with my children, but I know that there are many more to come. I know that the healing will need to be deep but I know the love of God is deeper.
I know there are hard days ahead. But I know there is much blessing to be had.
I know realistically, my children may not like me (to say it ever so kindly) for a while. And then maybe a while more. But ultimately, I know God's love is unconditional. And my children have only been hurt by those that love them so far in life. Because once they leave what they know now, they will feel rejected. Again. They will feel loss. Again. They will feel alone. Again. They will feel pain. Again. They will need to grieve. Again.
So my success as a parent is not based on them loving me. Or being thankful that they have a home to live in and food on the table.
No, my success as a parent is solely based on my obedience to what God has asked of me.
He has asked me to love them. To sacrificially, generously and unconditionally love my kids. All of them, all the time.
Is it inconvenient? Yes.
Is it hard? Yes.
Is it worth it? Absolutely.
God doesn't ask me to do it on my own. On my own, I can be leave them wanting. I get tired. I wear down. I am impatient.
And Jesus covers all of that. Something crazy awesome about this parenting thing....I just keep learning how utterly unprepared I am for this journey. And He keeps reminding me to just trust Him.
The next time you are deep in the trenches and you can't seem to pull yourself out. The next time you find yourself completely overwhelmed (and underpaid), when you are having a eat-all-the-chocolate and let them watch movies day, when the guilt consumes you. When you have no answers because it's just too stinkin' hard. When you want to cry and scream but you feel as though you cannot admit that you don't know what to do because then you've failed. When the thought of all these little lives being your responsibility makes you doubt every choice you've ever made....when it feel like it will never end.
God has promised us that it will end. Because all earthly things will fade away.
But let's not wish it away. Let's embrace the fact that we don't have a clue. Let's embrace the fact that moment by moment I have to depend on the all knowing, gracious, ever loving Father to get me through.
I've been convicted more than ever to cover my children in prayer. I have a feeling that is the only thing I will have left to cling to when I have 4 children in my care that may or may not like me on any given day (and only half of them can tell me that in English!!!).
So when my kids come home and none of them like me, remind me to cling to the One that showers us in unending love. I pray that I can find joy in the moments. I pray that I can see past their hurt and into their souls, created by Christ. I pray in the most unlovely moments, I can truly love them as Christ loves me. I pray I can love with an unguarded heart.
I underlined these phrases in Psalm 63 today:
"Because your steadfast love is better than life"
"My soul clings to you"
Ephesians 3:16-20