"I wonder at times if I spoke truth into my children's hearts that day or if my motives were pure. I wonder if I'm teaching them to be humble servants or just plan selfish, like I am so often. I pray for wisdom, and I pray that I remember to make a conscious choice, but mostly, I just pray that they see Jesus, seek Him and that He draws near with grace to cover us all.
Through this, Jeff and I decided to pursue our dream of adoption. If we gained any earthly knowledge through losing our son, it's that we shouldn't wait until later to pursue dreams. Sometimes, there are things that are worth the risk; whether the risk is emotional, physical or financial, some things are just worth it.
Children are worth the risk. Thao was worth the risk, worth the fight and worth all the pain. Every child deserves to know that someone is fighting for him or her. Every child deserves a family. Every child deserves to know love.
Just a few short months after losing our son, we started a new journey. A journey of risk, a journey that always, always, always starts with loss. The journey of adoption."
Excerpt from Still (when all else fades away)
Bridging the gap. Feeling inadequate and pursuing dreams because Jesus is enough to cover it all. Beautiful stories that begin with such pain and heartache. Grief and loss and redemption. Have you ever wondered what led us to adoption? What spurred us on when it seemed as though we should have stopped short? What made us live with open hands instead of building walls?
A beautiful picture of God's love for us, adoption.
The answer is simple. Jesus.
Oh that name. Whisper His name. Jesus.
The power in His name. Jesus.
The peace in His name. Jesus.
The hope a gentle baby brought to a hopeless world. Jesus.
A sacrifice, a beloved son, a perfect man came to this sinful earth to die a painful, undeserving death because love. Love so deep and perfect and redemptive. Love that fights evil and wins hearts. Love that forgives and pursues. Love that covers all. All in one name. Jesus.
"...and you shall call his name Jesus." Luke 1:31b
So often I feel not enough throughout the holiday season. I am never enough. I hope you know that is not what matters. I must remind myself to shift my focus from my not enough to His enough.
As you lay the babe in the manger this season, I pray you remember the Almighty God He represents. I pray you let Him in, to your home and heart and family. I pray that just the mention of Jesus' name draws you into a deep remembrance of the undeserving man on the cross, the babe in a lowly manger, the sacrifice that was made for you and I.
This is why we risk it all. This is why we live with open hands and hearts. This is why we let them in with all the heartache and baggage and pain. Because even though we are so undeserving of such sacrifice, He freely gives His loves to us. In turn we are called to freely give this gift away, this gift of love, of sacrifice, of the babe in the manger, of the cross. It is not ours to hold onto so tightly. This great love must be given away. Thank you, Jesus.
My sweet girl came home four days before last Christmas.