Well, we are a third of the way through September and I am over here wondering where all the days have gone already.
You guys, I have SO much to do. SO much. The regular homeschool and cooking and cleaning and laundry and writing and parenting.
The other projects I started like painting and organizing.
And. We are heading out on a big trip soon. All of us. My hubby builds greenhouses and travels. We go with him when we can. Well, there's a build coming up that requires him to be gone for a long while. So we are packing up and heading out. No biggie, ya know.
Except I procrastinate when I get stressed and have no clue how to pack for five kids for two-months and twenty-two-ish hours of travel. Yep. I'm out. See ya.
We'll just figure it out as we go, right? I wish I could tell my brain to stop. Oh but isn't this exactly what I say all the time? Be still. Isn't this what God whispers to my soul? Day in and day out, be still. Beloved, find rest.
This is my life, ya'll. This is yours. Be still. In the mundane. In the everyday decisions. In the health issues. In the big things. In the small. In the sorrow. In the joy. In the pain. In the dancing. In the fears and planning and unknowns. In the comfortable and stable and secure.
Through it all, God you are good. Through it all, God, you are sure. Through it all, God, you are steadfast. Through it all, God, you are with us. You are God.
And then of course through all the busy as I am driving home today, I pass the cemetery. It hits me hard yet again. And I don't even want to go there to his barren grave. I don't want to go there because I don't want to go there.I don't want to face the reality that so many days have passed. That I never visited his grave on his birthday.
And yesterday I was asked if I was ever angry. I am hurt. I am sad. I am almost thirty-five. Why was I given thirty more years than him? T H I R T Y. Why so many? Why so few? Why did he even get sick? Why is this earth so full of hardships and heartaches? And why must we even question? Do we trust Him? Do we...believe in heaven and perfection and healing?
Oh yes. I do. I do believe and I cannot wait.
So here I am full circle. Be still, He whispers. Be still. Today is not the day to do it all or fix everything. Today is the day to do what I can with Jesus. To let Him do His thing in me and through me. To take one step at a time. To rest.
So today I turn it all over. The worry. The guilt. The to-do list. The sorrow. The pain. And also the joy and dreams and future.
where I let Him overwhelm my soul. be still. find rest.