There has just been so much going on in my head and in my heart. My mind won't stop, my body is tired, and emotionally, I'm bit overwhelmed. I feel like I have been overwhelming to people around me. I feel like I have been a disconnected friend. I realized this week, once I let myself stress about one thing, it snowballs. It's like everything around me is calling me. It's heavy and tiresome. And it makes me weary.
I had the privilege of speaking to a special group of moms recently. I was seriously worked up about it, but I knew in my heart God wanted me to share. So I did. I spent a lot of time in prayer about what to say. And through that, God answered me. "Rest" He gave me the opportunity to share my heart, about Thao, mothering, and just everyday life. I did and He saw me through.
We had some decisions to make concerning our adoption. I was worried sick. Literally. I kept praying and agonizing over it. Jeff kept saying, "it's all good". So, I took it upon myself to worry enough for the both of us. I wanted to make a decision. But, then, there wasn't a decision to make. God had it. And He didn't need me to decide anything.
One night as I was putting Ava to bed, she started talking about how much she misses Thao. She was upset that she couldn't remember him, that he wasn't here with us anymore, that we can't visit heaven, that our family wasn't all together. Mom brain kicks in. How can I fix this? My prayer was, "Lord, how can I help her? What can I say?" The next day Ava talked all day about things she had done with Thao. We watched home movies and looked at pictures. We watched Thao's favorite movie, Narnia, yesterday. She initiated all of it, not me.
A wonderful friend of mine won tickets to the Hearts at Home conference. She gave me one! I was excited. And then anxious. And then excited. And then definitely NOT GOING. Then I went. I had never, ever left my kids for that long before, but guess what?! They survived. They were fed and clothed and happy.
God is so good. He even takes my hover-style, anxiety filled, control freak parenting style and uses it for His glory. Trust me, I'm not so proud of this parenting style. In fact, I am so humbled by God's grace. Over and over (and over and over...) I try to take control and He just wants me to rest.
To be continued....
I had the privilege of speaking to a special group of moms recently. I was seriously worked up about it, but I knew in my heart God wanted me to share. So I did. I spent a lot of time in prayer about what to say. And through that, God answered me. "Rest" He gave me the opportunity to share my heart, about Thao, mothering, and just everyday life. I did and He saw me through.
We had some decisions to make concerning our adoption. I was worried sick. Literally. I kept praying and agonizing over it. Jeff kept saying, "it's all good". So, I took it upon myself to worry enough for the both of us. I wanted to make a decision. But, then, there wasn't a decision to make. God had it. And He didn't need me to decide anything.
One night as I was putting Ava to bed, she started talking about how much she misses Thao. She was upset that she couldn't remember him, that he wasn't here with us anymore, that we can't visit heaven, that our family wasn't all together. Mom brain kicks in. How can I fix this? My prayer was, "Lord, how can I help her? What can I say?" The next day Ava talked all day about things she had done with Thao. We watched home movies and looked at pictures. We watched Thao's favorite movie, Narnia, yesterday. She initiated all of it, not me.
A wonderful friend of mine won tickets to the Hearts at Home conference. She gave me one! I was excited. And then anxious. And then excited. And then definitely NOT GOING. Then I went. I had never, ever left my kids for that long before, but guess what?! They survived. They were fed and clothed and happy.
God is so good. He even takes my hover-style, anxiety filled, control freak parenting style and uses it for His glory. Trust me, I'm not so proud of this parenting style. In fact, I am so humbled by God's grace. Over and over (and over and over...) I try to take control and He just wants me to rest.
To be continued....