I’m here to tell you, almost twenty-years in, I don’t really care what color the tablecloths were or the length of the veil or the curl of my hair. I don’t really care which tie he wore or who forgot to sign the guest book. The cake was awful. The food on my plate untouched. In fact, we scooted out of the reception to hit a fast food drive through on our way out of town. I don’t remember the time of my wedding.
I remember his smile. I remember his touch. I remember being surrounded by family and friends who would at times help to carry us through the valleys in life. People who watched us, actively participating in our lives, grow from small children to young adults and now to newlyweds.
The wedding was beautiful, don’t get me wrong. But the wedding dress is now flame-kissed due to a house fire, the decorations gathered dust, the photos are tucked away, all earthly things fade. Styles change. Paper disintegrates.
But, from that day, one thing remains, our marriage. So often in our culture we get caught up in the party, the elegance, the dream of a wedding. We forget about the marriage.
And then the foundation is shoddy.
Because our eyes are set on the perfect dress, the perfect venue, the posed photos, the pressing deadlines, the best music. When all along, it’s actually so simple, the quiet whisper of our Heavenly Father, reminding us to pray, to love, to honor him with our marriages. We can have the elegance. We can have the elaborate wedding and the dainty china dishes. The wedding day can be beautiful, but don’t forget your marriage.
You’ll spend hours researching the best venue, best deal, best caterer, etc. but it’s only for a day.
Your marriage can last a lifetime. Invest in what matters most.
Pray more.
Pray often.
Pray together.
Pray alone.
For your spouse and your marriage. For the valleys low. The mountains high. For when life feels dull and monotonous. For health and for sickness. For when your heart lies to you. For strength and for love. For the Lord’s blessing on your life together.
Give thanks.
For each other. For the ones who surround you. For the food and the home and the children you will share. For the way he holds your hand. For the memory of your first kiss. For your friendshi. For the boring, monotonous everyday memories you get to make. For the adventures and hopes and dreams you pursue. For every breath, every moment, every day together.
Have the wedding. Have fun. Dance. Rejoice. Give thanks. Surround yourself with the ones you love. But don’t neglect the foundation.
Here are some practical ways to build a strong foundation of marriage (before the wedding).
-Surround yourselves with healthy marriages.
-Find a mentor couple. Ask the questions. All of them. The hard ones, embarrassing ones, practical ones.
-Go to church. (Your relationship with Jesus is the only thing more important than your marriage. And if it’s healthy, your marriage is more set up for success. )
-Pray for each other. (Yep, it’s so important, I’ll keep saying it.)
-Pre-marital counseling. (Iron things out, be proactive. Set healthy boundaries. Be honest. Listen. We’ll talk more about this later!)
I’m telling you, what feels so big (like the color of napkins or the centerpiece flowers dying too soon or the cake taking freezer burned) is really so small. At the end of the day, all I wanted was to be married. At the end of my life, all I want is to know my marriage, my life intertwined with another, leaves a legacy of love for my children, and above all honors our Lord.
such a blessing to be married to this man.